It is at such a time that a turning point in religious life
may occur. The previous path of life has led to a dead end. One’s inner
condition seems abominable, although the young man or girl perhaps cannot yet
classify is as being sinful. There is a desire to find a true and lofty meaning
of life, since to live without finding such a meaning means to lead a pitiful,
colorless, aimless and senseless existence. At this fateful moment when the young life reaches a turning
point, suddenly, by some unknown and mysterious means, a certain light appears
in the soul, a certain fresh and joyous feeling, a certain hope that life is
not meaningless.
Where does this certainty that life is not meaningless come
from? What is life? Up to now the young mind had been inclined towards a
mechanic view of the world - life is an aggregate of atoms and forces, and
their constant movement and interaction; life is a causal collection of
manifestations, whose sum total composes the entire picture of cosmic, earthly
and human existence. And suddenly within this huge, boundless and soulless
mechanism the young soul begins to perceive the presence of something living,
great, wise and beautiful - the presence of God. From where does this feeling arise?
Many circumstances can contribute to it; the main thing is
that the young person’s faith in his own infallibility has been broken, he has
deeply felt his inner bankruptcy. He no longer feels support within himself. A
need has arisen for another, more powerful support.
The soul stands at a certain crossroads. It finds itself in
a state of instability. Former influences and attractions have lost their power
over it. New forces have not yet determined themselves within it. At this
moment every jolt, no matter how insignificant, can have an extraordinary and
decisive influence on one’s entire life.
The sweet religious experiences of one’s childhood, emerging
from the soul’s subconscience, the ringing of church bells heard unexpectedly,
a religious book coming to hand, a meeting and conversation with a profound
believer, a visit to a monastery, the silent and mysterious beauty of nature
and many other factors can contribute to a successful exit from the turning
point of the soul. The long-forgotten childhood faith will awaken, and will
sweetly burn within the soul as a brightly-shining guiding light. Life will
suddenly gain meaning, there will be a desire to live and work in the name of
the new ideal flaming in the soul. The old materialistic view of the world will
have turned out to be insolvent. The new religious world viewpoint will warm
the soul and give meaning to life.
Remembering my own youth, I find in it a confirmation that
it was precisely along this path, a path of an internal drama lasting many
years, that we returned to our lost religious world view and ideal. The
religious feeling which awakens in the soul immediately lights up the world and
life in a totally different manner. The young soul begins to perceive the
beauty and the majesty of the universe, attains a belief in the lofty meaning
and purpose of life, the heart opens up to an acceptance of the Gospel. One
feels the desire to go to church, to attend services, to go to confession and
partake of communion, even though some heretic thoughts often remain. And when
these new needs and thoughts begin to manifest themselves in the young soul in
place of the chaos through which it had passed, then one can boldly say that
such a soul has been saved. There begins a new period of spiritual life, when,
having set himself firmly upon the rock of faith acquired through bitter
experience rather than reason, a person consciously begins to build his life
upon such a foundation.
Protopriest Sergey Chetverikov
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